There are many modern conceptions of love. Love is the way lovers relate to each other. They may view love in more than one way at a time or may view love in different ways at different times. For example, you may love your husband because he is the father of your children, or you may love your husband because he is always there for you.
Ludus or Ludic love is the kind of love that is played as a game, refuses to become dependent on any one person, and does not encourage another’s intimacy. You have to have two essential skills with this type of love — you must be able to juggle several partners at the same time and manage each relationship so that no one partner is seen too often. Don Juan is an example of this “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type of love.
Pragma love is love for practical reasons. You assess your partner on the basis of assets and liabilities. Economic security is important. In the movie, “As Good As It Gets,” Melvin (Jack Nicholson) has a pragmatic love for Carol (Helen Hunt). For Melvin, Carol puts up with his compulsiveness, and for Carol, Melvin gets a doctor to care for her son.
Eros love is found in modern times. It is the love of passion and romance. Rose and Jack in the movie, “Titanic” had Eros. Eros is the most common type of love between college students. The longer a couple stays together, though, the less the passion and romance. The high level of passion and romance found in this kind of love is hard to maintain on a daily basis. We find that over time, love remains, but it is in a new form.
Mania is the intense emotion and sexual passion of love that gets out of control. It is possessive and dependent, and one must have the beloved at all costs. An example would be when your husband comes home and tells you that he wants a divorce, and you kill him so that no one else will ever have him. (Don’t do this!)
Storge is calm, soothing, nonsexual love devoid of intense passion. It is based on respect, friendship, commitment, and familiarity. This is what Eros usually turns into the longer a couple stays together. The partners deeply care about each other, but not always in a romantic and lustful sense. Their love is more likely to endure than a fleeting romance.
Agape love is selfless and giving, a love that expects nothing in return. It is a nurturing and caring love, where partners are concerned only about the welfare and growth of each other. The love parents have for their children can often be described as the agape love style.
Romantic love is described as being profoundly tender or passionate affection for another person, strong emotion characterized by intense feelings, a strong desire to be together, to have both positive and negative emotions, strong feelings of sexual attraction and desire for physical contact, and unselfishness or altruism. There are a variety of romantic loves, also. Limerence is the romance love type where one is obsessed with their loved one. Narcissistic love is the love of self as reflected in the other person. Infatuation is a state of passion or attraction that is not based on reason.
The one type of love to base a marriage on is Conscious love. This type of love sees the other person realistically, not blinded by passion or emotion. If a marriage is only based on romantic love it may not be sustained as romantic love fades over time.
Love also has a biological basis. Sexual arousal produces intense physiological changes in the body and these changes facilitate attraction. Increased levels of dopamine and noreinephrine in the bloodstream bathe the pleasure center with chemical messages after being triggered by the neurotransmitters, which are activated by visual cues. Serotonin secretion is stimulated by romantic love and results in a feeling of intense pleasure. Companionate love or conjugal love produces endorphins or a sense of tranquility. These endorphins are less emotional, passionate, and exciting, and are characterized by companionship, calmness, comfort, and security.
Friendship love or companionate love is when two people like each other and have a relationship. This is a good basis for marriage because it can be sustained.
Altruistic love is the unselfish concern for the well being of another. Eric Fromm describes love as an activity that is primarily giving and not receiving. He thought love had four basic components:
1. care – a woman who says she loves flowers and therefore waters them
2. responsibility – as a response, not a duty
3. respect – for the individual that you want to see develop to their full potential
4. knowledge – knowing the other person realistically
Are love and sex the same thing?
Freud said that they were.
Reik said that sex was a biological function, and that love was an emotional satisfaction.
What do you think?