Navigating Change

Debi Levine, MS, LMFT

Shiny Objects

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Most people, when you ask them what brings them the most joy in life, will say that relationships with family and friends top their list. They may include other ideals. But one author, James A. Roberts, professor of marketing and consumer behavior at Baylor University, believes that our actions and behaviors as a society tell a different story. Roberts proposes that we are not who we think we are.

Roberts’ book, “Shiny Objects: Why We Spend Money We Don’t Have in Search of Happiness We Can’t Buy,” paints a disturbing picture of how our materialistic pursuits undermine our overall well-being.  He reports that our savings has declined, our personal income has declined, and that seventy percent of us live from paycheck to paycheck. In addition, credit card debt has escalated and retirement savings dwindled. What happened to the American Dream? Check out Roberts’ book to learn what he thinks.

Admitting that we suffer from “affluenza,” which Wikipedia defines as “a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more” is sobering.

“Shiny Objects” Why We Spend Money We Don’t Have in Search of Happiness We Can’t Buy” does provide great information about financial literacy and solvency. It includes useful self-help tips.

Here is a link to a Dr. James A. Robert’s blog and how to order his book.

Shiny Objects

Enough is Enough

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My mother often used the phrase “enough is enough.”  We interpreted the saying, unusually accompanied with a stern voice, to mean she was tired of behavior she found unacceptable. Raising four children was no picnic, and at times our actions, wants, and needs understandably moved her to frustration.

So, when is enough enough?

One dictionary defines enough: “To attain, achieve as much or as many as necessary, desirable or tolerable; sufficient. The amount or number needed, desired or allowed; sufficient. As much or as often as necessary; to the required degree or amount; sufficiently. Fully. Just adequately.”

It is the task of each of us to decide what is necessary, desirable, and sufficient. My mother’s level of tolerance for the antics of her children may well be different from those of her neighbor or close friend.

Only we can decide when enough is enough in work, love, and life.

Here are some areas to examine:

Knowing Enough — When do we stop searching and learning, and start putting what we know into practice?

Loving Enough — How long do we continue the pattern of blaming and running in search of the perfect partner?

Having Enough — Does more stuff really fill the empty place inside?

Working Enough — What is the cost of putting work first? Do we live to work? Or work to live?

Doing Enough — What purpose does continual doing serve in our lives?

Balancing Enough — How do we keep our focus on the big picture and work for balance between family, work, and leisure over an entire lifetime?

 

“Enoughness’ doesn’t mean voluntary poverty — it means discovering who you really are,” points out Vicki Robin, co-author of Your Money or Your Life.

She notes that people content with enough have four traits in common:

  • They have a sense of purpose.
  • They can account for their money.
  • They have an internal yardstick for fulfillment.
  • They have a sense of responsibility for the world.

As we struggle with both our personal and our societal woes, may we each take a hard look at this concept of “enough,” do some serious re-evaluating of what is important, make some hard choices and deliberate changes, dig in our heals and shout: Enough is enough!

Bring Out the Best in Your Family

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Here are some tips on how to bring out the BEST in your family!!!

Hold weekly family meetings.  Make, “How are we doing?” the focus of every agenda. Let everyone speak and listen with empathy. Seek consensus — and conclude every meeting on a positive note.

Show appreciation.  Say “thank you” for every expression of love you get. Resolve to compliment at least one family member every day. Showing appreciation becomes easier the more you do it.

Criticize kindly.  Try to overlook annoyances, so that it’s rarely necessary to criticize at all. If you must criticize, avoid global statements such as “You always overcook the meat.” Instead, share your own needs. Saying, “I would enjoy the meat more if it were medium-rare,” encourages the chef to do something for you rather than feel badly about himself.

Enjoy one another.  Plan for regular family treats. Consider a special family dinner, a “game night,” or a “night at the movies” with videotapes and popcorn. If kids play musical instruments and want to give a concert, what could be better?

Examine your roots.  Invite the family genealogist to explain your ancestral tree. If there isn’t one, consider a family project. A good resource is the National Archives site (www.archives.gov). Older family members are resources, too. Videotape their recollections of old times.

Reach out.  Check with your church or synagogue, local newspaper or the appropriate county agency for a listing of volunteer opportunities.

Give up something.  Sacrifices of time, convenience — and, yes, ego — can strengthen family life.

Reference:
Parade Magazine, December 1, 2002.