Navigating Change

Debi Levine, MS, LMFT

July 4th Memories

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When the 4th of July arrives we all have a wide array of memories that flood through our minds… Some happy, others sad, many funny, a few, memorable and special.

One of my favorite 4th of July memories goes way back to childhood and involves my siblings, notably my two brothers. When I was about 15 and my sister 9, our brothers, ages 12 and 3, decided to enter the neighborhood “decorate-your-bicycle” 4th of July parade as a “package deal.” It all started with a preschool blanket sleeper that our mother bought to use as a Halloween “Tiger” costume back when I was a very little kid. I wore it out for Trick-or-Treat. My brother wore it. My sister wore it, and our youngest brother had just worn it the previous Halloween at age 2. We all thought it was dumb, but hey, it worked for the little kids and kept them warm on Pennsylvania and Ohio October ghost haunts! But on this particular 4th of July, our 12-year-old brother had one of his brilliant (and he had many!) ideas…  He thought it would be fantastic to dress his little brother in the Tiger sleeper, put him in the well-worn red wagon, build a “cage” from wood dad had in his basement woodshop scrap pile to keep in the” Tiger,” and he would dress as the Tiger Tamer pulling the wagon in the 4th of July parade! All this spawned from a blanket sleeper and recent visit to the circus!

Preparation for this project went on for several days before the big event, involving everyone in the family in a variety of ways. But Dan did most of the work, his creative talents unfolding in amazing ways. I will always remember the finished product when our two brothers rolled out of the garage ready to head off to the starting point! Dan was positively glowing with pride and accomplishment. Younger brother was along for the ride, and most agreeable, but the look on his face indicated that he wondered what he had gotten himself into with big brother, again…

1968 Dan & Dave 4th of July parade

The parade was a huge success! And, our brothers won first place for the most unique and creative decoration of wheels!

My youngest brother just celebrated a birthday. It was nice to chat with him on the phone knowing that he and his family had fun plans to enjoy the long 4th of July weekend.

We all miss Dan very much. Miss his big smile and big heart… We lost him in December of 2009…

Ahhh… so many bittersweet memories….

Find The Simple Things

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The weather has warmed. It is spring in the south. Windows open. Good sleeping weather. Woke to the sound of a nice refreshing rain. More importantly, took the opportunity to just sit for awhile with my tea, watching and listening to the sounds of nature. I must make it a priority to take time for things I value and appreciate… Truth be told, I do not want to go back to the chaotic busyness that too often consumed my pre-COVID-19 life. I like many things about this “new normal” in a strange sort of way. Despite the bad and ugly of this whole mess, I believe there are good aspects to this period of social distancing that has claimed our lives. We must look for those…

Personally, I am grateful it is spring, a season that typically energizes me. Spring makes it easier for me to experience more of nature, which I find therapeutic. Long walks outdoors are a must. Now I am taking those walks more than ever, and the flowers in neighbors’ gardens are lovely! It makes me feel less isolated and alone to see others out doing the same, working in their yards, walking their dog, painting their front door… We smile at each other, wave, and shout greetings. Guess this is one of my ways of finding connection when I am supposed to be still.

In a recent newspaper article, Eugene Robinson, an associate editor of the Washington Post, said that “…in a crisis, our natural reaction is to do something, anything. What makes the COVID-19 crisis so difficult, and so unsettling, is that we are being asked to do nothing.” The solution, we are told, is not action, but inaction. Yet, it is in this period of inaction that we have the opportunity to slow down, to stop and regroup. We can allow ourselves to think deeply and take stock of our lives. We can reassess our goals, fine tune our aspirations, and yes, redefine our priorities. In this period of time we can make changes to how we conduct our lives going forward. In recent days I have had women tell me that they really could get used to having gray hair and doing their own nails. Other folks have said how much nicer it is to share a glass of wine on the front porch and wave to neighbors walking by rather than driving over to the local restaurant/bar. Getting a spring garden ready is now more of a joy than a mindless task. Cleaning and sorting a messy closet becomes a happy celebration rather than a dreaded chore often avoided. We are beginning to think about a lot of things differently. Perhaps for the better.

This period of time for many comes with more time on our hands. What do we do with that time? Getting fresh air and exercise and spending time in nature are tops on my list. Reading is a favorite pastime for a lot of people. Cooking meals at home with family inspires some. Creating new family rituals and perhaps playing more games together brings smiles and laughter. Rediscovering music comes to mind. The list is endless.

We all know hardships. Yet I pray that each of us can find meaning in the misfortunes around us. Easier said that done sometimes. But if we try, it can help strengthen our resilience and help us heal. As we heal, we are better prepared to help others and help our world.

Make a list of simple things that help you heal.

Unprecedented Times COVID-19

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Today reminds me of my maternal grandmother, Julia. She had a large front porch with wide awnings and three foot red brick wall with a smooth stone ledge. All the men used to sit on that wall or prop their feet on it. No kids allowed. Adults were afraid we would fall into grandpap’s hydrangea bushes, which, by the way, were always spectacular in the summer.

In the spring either my mom or Aunt Marge would take my cousin, Julie, and I to a store to pick out our summer coloring book. (We always selected the same book!) In addition, we could each get a box of 64 count Crayola crayons that was to last us the entire year.

On a warm day while visiting grandma’s house Julie and I would often spread out on the area carpet of that porch floor and begin our seasonal competition while the adults lounged in the green wicker chairs, rockers, and swing, laughing, talking about life, sharing stories, sometimes having a beer or some iced tea…. It was determined that not only would Julie and I enjoy coloring, but the declared expectation was to start with the first page and progress to last page of that coloring book, making sure to date each page when complete. Think that was Julie’s idea. She was a natural born teacher! (We played “school” often, where she insisted on being the teacher, me and all other kids the students!) The goal was to finish the coloring book by the end of the summer. (My idea.) I don’t think either of us ever reached that goal… By August it became more of a chore than a pleasant and relaxing pastime.

My favorite crayons at that time were Periwinkle Blue and Spring Green. They were generally worn to nubbins by the 4th of July. Funny thing, but as I look about my home now it is primarily filled with an assortment of blue and green hues. Guess it is safe to say those colors have remained at the top of my list of favorites.

Fast forward to spring 2020. Been homebound and practicing extreme “social distancing” for nearly a month now. Lots of rooms in the house have been thoroughly cleaned. That feels good. Part of me is glad for the quarantine as it has forced me to deal with some tasks I had been putting off for way too long. But as I have gotten more of those tasks done I find myself struggling with how to use my time in meaningful and productive ways so that I don’t lose my mind yet feel good at the end of each day. This is a very confusing and disruptive and difficult season for all of us. It makes sense to resurrect this blog to share ideas, thoughts, and coping strategies that I have developed for myself and encouraged my family, friends, and clients to cultivate in their own lives. So many inspiring ideas have been shared in recent weeks. Despite all the anxiety and grief and distress in our world right now, I am truly humbled by all the inspirational, resilient, and good people out there…

For today… Be kind to yourself, patient and forgiving. Eat healthy. Rest as much as you can. Appreciate what you have that is good. Practice gratitude. Take time to reflect on the goodness around you. And most of all, limit your exposure to social media and the news. We all need to be aware, but it will destroy us if we allow the news consume our being. Two minutes in the morning. Two minutes in the afternoon. Two minutes in the evening. That’s it for me. Worth a try. I found those limits really helped me to calm down, think more clearly and rationally, and tap into positive energy and mood. If I am in a good place I am in a better position to help others less fortunate.

Wishing you peace. Check back soon for more updates.