Characteristics:
• laissez-faire
• non-punitive
• nondirective
• child is responsible for own actions and decisions
• child makes own decision
• autonomy is more important than obedience
• non-demanding
Parent’s Behavior:
• Parent does not specify expectations
• Parent may be indecisive
Message Sent to Child:
• Anything you do is all right with me. I’ll listen to you, but don’t expect me to make your decision.
Possible Reaction in Child:
• Child is more creative and assertive and shows more feelings than a child brought up in an authoritarian home
• Child may grow up to be insecure and lacking in self-direction
• Many times the decisions this child makes are impractical and illegal
Examples:
• “Okay, I mean sure. Whatever you want. You decide.”
• “Sweetheart, are you ready for bed yet?”
• “Okay. We’ll wait a few minutes.”
• “It’s all right. We’ll buy you another one.”
• “Are you ready to clean up your toys? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
• “We do have to go, but you take your time.”
• “We’ll do whatever you say.”
• “I’m sure there’s a reason. We’ll have a talk about it when you are ready.”
• “Do you want to sit down and talk about it?”
Permissive or indulgent parents are more responsive than demanding. This style of parenting was popular in the 1950s and 1960s, but continues today. This style was a reaction to the fears of whole nations following WWII. Permissive parents are often nontraditional and lenient. They are accepting of the child’s impulses, desires, and actions, and are less likely than other parents to monitor their children’s behavior, because they avoid confrontation. The biggest sign of this type of parent is their inconsistent discipline. For example, their child’s bedtime might be at 8 p.m. one night then 10 or 11 p.m. the next. They use reason and negotiation to gain respect from their kids.
There are four different types of permissiveness:
• General confused — giving the child what the child wants
• Compensatory — usually used by those who grew up in poverty and/or those who feel that their parents were too strict
• Conditional permissiveness — when the child gets what he or she wants, under the impression that they meet their parent’s demands; often viewed as a miniature adult
• Indifferent permissiveness — when the parent(s) is so caught up in their own life that they do not take an active part in the child’s life
Children raised by permissive parents are more likely to be involved in problem behavior and typically perform less well in school, but not always. They tend to be friendly and sociable, but when compared to others their age they lack knowledge of appropriate behaviors for ordinary social situations and take too little responsibility for their own misbehavior. They can also be too aggressive, immature with their peers, and rather dependent. Too much freedom is developmentally inappropriate for young children, which leads to aggression. Without clear limits, children get confused, feel insecure, and can make poor choices in life.