Life has a way of snatching time for intimacy if we don’t make it a priority. It is too easy to let our commitment to another fall by the wayside when life gets busy. Careers, jobs, kids, homes, chores, hobbies, to name just a few, pull us in many directions.
We have to build special time for our relationships into our daily lives… Treating time for nurturing our relationship our partner as sacred, and something more than an afterthought or peace-making attempt, is so important. Prevention goes a long way in sustaining an intimate relationship. It is far easier (and more meaningful and pleasurable) to prevent the erosion of intimacy than to repair senseless neglect…
Here are some ways to consider that have the potential to build and increase intimacy:
Schedule time together. Regular date nights, walks after dinner, breakfast alone on a Sunday morning, or weekend get-a-ways are some options. I recall a couple from my adolescent years who made a habit of spending the half hour before dinner alone in the kitchen/den talking about their day and focusing on the connection between them and discussing their plans and dreams for the life they created. Their children and friends accepted and respected this private couple time. It was a valuable observation for me to make at this critical point in my development.
Honor your differences. Some of us need alone time at certain points during the day. One wise wife I know was mindful of the fact that her husband benefited most from a simple welcome when returning home from work. She waited until after he had time alone to unwind before opening any discussions with him. They conversed more easily and freely once he had that personal space allowing him to shift from work to family.
Share chores. No one really likes to do chores, but they are a part of a well-functioning life. My parents were great role models at housecleaning in tandem to get the job done faster. They actively instructed each of their children in doing age-appropriate tasks and included them in the master plan for completing necessary chores. Sharing chores prevents resentment, unites the couple and family in a common goal, and saves time for more enjoyable pursuits. It also can teach children that working together as a team can not only be time-saving, but fun in its’ own right.
Prevent problems. Consult with a marriage and family therapist or sex therapist to improve your communication and handle small problems before they escalate out of control. Some enjoy participating in couples’ therapy groups. Many religious organizations offer “Marriage Encounter” or “Marriage Enrichment” programs that can be valuable.
Play together. The demands of careers and tending to families can wear down the best of relationships. How long has it been since you went hiking in the woods, jumped in a pool, or played a game of Twister? Good friends of mine take great delight in their love of kayaking. Play keeps us young, healthy, and offers much needed rejuvenation.
Go away occasionally. I always admired how my parents kept up a fairly regular Saturday night out with friends or as a couple. It was their time to socialize with peers and take a break from work /family responsibilities. When finances permitted they took weekend trips. And during the week they each took a night out with friends to enjoy a hobby or activity of interest while the other took over with the children. What ways do you find helpful to giving your relationship time to recharge?
Share time with other couples. We learn more about each other and see our partner in a different light in the company of others. Simplify your schedule and improve your social life by agreeing on a regular activity with friends you both enjoy. Several couples I know love ballroom dance and attend a weekly class complete with dinner together afterward! They attend monthly dances in their community whenever possible.
Develop private rituals and games. One couple I met years ago used to pick each other yellow dandelion flowers when they were available. Another couple sends each other occasional check in text messages. My husband calls me most afternoons around 4:30 so that we have a few quiet minutes to see how our day is going, and plan for how the evening might unfold.
Time together. That was the original idea, wasn’t it?
Keep it simple: Put your relationship first.