Most of us think of “relationships” as being about significant people in our lives — like parents, siblings, new loves, spouses, children, friends. Indeed these are all relationships of importance that impact our lives in both positive and negative ways. They can be filled with joy and excitement, yet generate tension, unhappiness, and at times, great pain. What happens in a relationship we have with someone impacts our life in countless ways.
At the same time, we sometimes forget that “relationships” can be more than those near and dear to us. We have relationships with co-workers, neighbors, our dentist, and the UPS delivery service, to name a few. We have a relationship with our employer, our lending institution, the cable company, our faith organization, and even the weather. (Although some of the snowfalls this winter were lovely, the winter has been long and exhausting for many folks.) Events in our city, state, country, and our world affect us in a profound way, too. And these are just some of the systems we have relationships with… What happens in any of our personal systems trickles down to somehow affect us, like prices at the gas pump.
On a personal level we each have relationships with things like food, beverage, exercise, sleep, sex, money, technology, work, and use of time. Sometimes we eat unhealthy foods or skip meals because we are in a hurry or maybe we eat for comfort. At times we may consume too much caffeine or alcohol. Perhaps we resist any sort of exercise or participate in excess, causing injury to our bodies. Sexual extremes, too much focus or no interest, can cause problems.
Our relationship with money is problematic for most of us these days. We worry about not having enough to meet our needs and wants. Some make accumulation of money and wealth an all-consuming goal. Technology is a valuable benefit to our society, yet in excess can destroy human connection and the need for adequate sleep. In addition, technology makes it easier to overwork, carrying the work environment into the private lives of many families, where quality relationships and time to rejuvenate suffer. With so much competing for our time and energy it is little wonder that many people find themselves living rather unbalanced and unhappy lives.
My personal and professional goal is to realize the many “relationships” that impact our lives, and make thoughtful and honest choices about helping to keep those relationships in perspective so that quality of life is meaningful and balanced. The balance for each of us is different, but learning better skills in juggling the many systems and influences that are around us are skills we can each master with time, thoughtful attention, and practice. We can learn to navigate the many relationships in our lives in ways that are healthy and keep us safe, steady, and on the right course.
An interesting activity is to take a long sheet of paper and make four columns and title them — Relationships, Negative, Positive, and Neutral. Down the first column on the left list every possible “relationship” you can think of that affects your life in some way. Then check the appropriate effect that each relationship has on you at this point in time. This exercise helps to visually see all those relationships in your life that are working well. These are the relationships to be grateful for and hopefully where you focus most of your energy. Those relationships that have a negative effect on your life are areas that may need modification, or perhaps elimination, in order to make life better. This is a helpful paper to save, review, and update periodically. A great tool to help keep you on track with your goals for a life well-lived…