Recently I attended a professional workshop by Dr. Kimberly Young, Founder and Director of the Center for Internet Addiction Recovery and Netaddiction.com. Dr. Young has developed many quizzes and videos and prepared numerous checklists and informational pamphlets which can be found on her website. Dr. Young’s website is definitely an excellent resource for both parents and therapists. Check it out!
Lots of parents ask me about the impact of technology on children. Among other things, Dr. Young’s presentation offered valuable guidelines to parents about the ages that children could be exposed to different types of technology. Her recommendations are based on solid research in psychology and child development. Here is what Dr. Young recommends, which she refers to as “3-6-9-12 Parenting Guidelines.”
3-6-9-12 Parenting Guidelines
Birth-3 Rules: Never/Nowhere
No technology, this includes smartphones, computers, and televisions. Any screen time impairs social communication, development, and a child’s attachment to the parent or other family members. If they are completely disconnected from technology, they have time to develop relationships with others and can develop other needed sensory-motor skills playing with physical toys, reading skills, and relationships with other children.
3- 6 years Rules: One hour a day
At this age, children can be introduced to technology under careful parental supervision. Parents too often may give a child a tablet or smartphone as a sitter or a reward for good behavior. This is a crucial time in childhood development for them to learn pro-social behavior and social behavior. Keep them involved in activities outside of the computer and avoid multiplatform portable devices (e.g., phones, iPads, laptops). Watch their use in public areas of the home and block video games and questionable sites.
6-9 years Rules: Supervised Use
Children need to balance technology with social and physical behavior. Now that children have passed the physical milestones of mastery of running and kicking, and bending over without falling, screen use may include games that the entire family can play on the Wii or Xbox 360. It is important this screen time is a family bonding experience. Children use the Internet under supervision, create tech-free time each day, and keep children active in school clubs, sports, peers, and outside activities.
9-12 years Rules: Responsible Use
Still have the rule of no more than 2 hours of screen time a day, including family videogame time. Do not allow access to tech devices in private areas of the home, and no access to online gaming (especially any role-playing games). At this age, children need to be mentally and physically stimulated through reading, taking nature walks, riding bikes, getting involved in school and sport activities, making friends at school, and spending time with family. Try to establish family time with no technology (e.g., no screens at dinner or in the car). If rules are broken, confiscate all screen devices and lock all technology up at night.
12 and up Rules: Independence
As children enter the teenage years, they want independence. Rules of the house usually change as they can stay out later or meet friends or by age 16, they start to drive. These are all signs of independence, and screen use is no different. At this age, teenagers desire their own social media accounts and demand privacy and unsupervised online. At 16, urge them to get a job. If they are working, then they don’t have time to play or use all their digital devices. This also helps them develop a work ethic. Working also helps teenagers maintain structure in their day to avoid boredom and idol time that contributes to screen overuse and addiction and they can now afford their own digital devices.
Dr. Kimberly Young also authors several books on internet addiction. You can find these along with many other resources on her website.