- You refuse to accept the truth that someone you love (including yourself) is going through a difficult time.
- During stressful times in your relationship, you remain ignorant about what needs to change in order to make the relationship better.
- You try to cram as much activity and action into your life as possible. You live as thou you are afraid to slow down.
- Your attitude is one of persistent hostility.
- Following the onset of a stressful time, one or both of you show a prolonged exaggeration of some personality trait. For example: A typically orderly person may become compulsively neat, a typically quiet person may become withdrawn, or a typically cautious person may begin to act paranoid.
- You discount the possibility that things can improve. You act pessimistic and defeatist.
- Old relationship problems get worse under the strain of current stresses.
- As you face your tasks, responsibilities, and emotional difficulties, you rigidly lock roles within the relationship.
- You blame or shame each other.
- You refuse to express emotion.
- In your emotional dealings with each other, you are stingy rather than nurturing and generous.
- You disagree about your definition of the tasks that face you. For example: One of you might define your current situation as a challenge and an opportunity to show strength of character, while the other sees it as a sign of defeat.
- You refuse to open up to each other for fear of upsetting the other person.
- You passively or indirectly fight back in power struggles with each other rather than directly dealing with your differences.
- You turn to another (e.g., one of your children or siblings) to gossip about each other rather than dealing directly with each other about differences.
- Your marriage is not sexually fulfilling.
Watch this fascinating video clip about one couple who helps other couples find better connection to each other… Share your thoughts with us!
Hedy & Yumi: Crossing the Bridge
Reference:
Sotile, W. & Sotile, M. (1996). The Medical Marriage: A couple’s Survival Guide. Carol Publishing Group.