Navigating Change

Debi Levine, MS, LMFT

It’s Hard Work Being a Mom

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Being a mother is definitely hard work. No matter if you have a houseful of children, or a few special pets, or you worry about elderly neighbors, our tendency to “mother” or care-take those more vulnerable than we are can be quite strong, turn into hard work, and at times really wear us out.

I am especially in awe of my eldest daughter, mother of a very active two and a half year old who has spent a good deal of time in recent weeks walking the dog and getting as much exercise as possible (in-between meal prep, household chores, potty duty, and being an attentive disciplinarian) in order to speed along contractions to deliver her second daughter. She is weary, to say the least, yet possesses more patience and resilience than I recall having at the same stage in my own life. She doesn’t lose sight of her primary focus as loving support to her family. I see in her a steadfast determination to be a “good enough” mom, not afraid to ask for help when she needs it, and setting realistic priorities about how time is best spent. She picks her battles carefully, able to let go of little annoyances that could easily throw her off course. At times it is hard for me to witness her busy life, perhaps because it brings back memories of my own life under similar circumstances. Yet, I truly admire her attitude and skill… I am very proud of her wisdom and maturity…  And, I pray that little one arrives safely soon…  Her family will then move into yet another chapter of their lives. Exciting times, for sure, but definitely busy for mom and dad!

How do you help yourself manage all the responsibilities that go with being a “mom” to your children, or pets, or those you feel responsible for?

Mama and baby otter copy

Memories of Dad

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Years ago, when I was in my 20s and had lots of time for pursing projects of interest (that would be those years before marriage and children!), I stumbled across a counted-cross stitch kit with the perfect poem that described what my dad meant to me. Like many others at that time, I had embraced the craze of needlecrafts, and this kit was not only a fun and relaxing activity, but would make a perfect gift for a special occasion. So, making the purchase, I hurried home to begin…

Here is the poem…

Many men are strong,

but very few have been able

to mix the right amount of strength

with a proportionate amount

of gentleness.

 

In doing so,

you get a man you can

admire, respect, and look up to,

but also a man you can talk to

who will understand and listen.

 

All my life

my father has given me

a feeling of security.

No matter where I go

or what happens to me,

I’ve always known he’s been

back there watching patiently

should I need him.

This security has give me

the strength to stand on my own many times.

~James B.J. Sievers

My father liked my gift and kept it hanging in his room as a reminder of how much his children loved and needed him, not just when they were small, but throughout the years.

Dad passed away in 2005. Mother left the cross stitch on the wall until very recently when she downsized to an apartment. My sister has the poem in safe keeping for me when we meet again.

For awhile I will keep the poem in my home, as a reminder of my father’s love and care. I do miss him. He has influenced me in so many ways, and I am truly grateful.

But I have in mind a new home for this craft project… It is something to be passed along from daughter to father… That plan, still in the making, comforts me and honors my father’s legacy.

Tell us about your father and the positive influence he has/had on your life.

In Honor of a Special Pet

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One of my weaknesses is collecting cats. At one point we had ten, nine of them strays who wandered to the door, nurtured by me or our daughters. They all became family.

It started as a small child when dad took me to the plant of the industrial furnace company where he worked to show me the workplace cat (on site to catch mice, I was told) who had a litter of kittens in the men’s restroom. Four adorable tiny kittens in a box with their mommy… It was love at first sight. I claimed the golden one as my pet when it was old enough to eat on its own. The wait for my first kitten seemed like an eternity to a four-year old.

Others tell me I smothered that poor little cat, trying to wrap it in blankets, cuddle it, rock it in my doll cradle, and push it in a carriage. I fought for the opportunity to have the kitten sleep in my bed at night, but lost that battle. As an adult I modified the rules regarding sharing space with pets.

One of my saddest memories is when the cat escaped out the back door one evening as an aunt who was babysitting my brother and I brought us inside after play. Sweet aunt frantically tried to capture the critter while I cried at the backdoor. Dad even looked later, and again the next day, with no luck. I had failed my first attempt at “mothering.” My cat was gone.

So, back in 1997, the very day we moved into our current home, one of the girls spied something white and furry darting among the bushes in the back yard. Investigating, she discovered a very scrawny and nearly starved kitten, obviously abandoned. It was appreciative of the food offered, and quickly responded to the affection and care of its new mommy. The rest is history…

Peanut has lived all these years with our family, mostly outdoors, but over the past several years inching his way into the house during storms, then rainy days, then cold nights, ultimately indoors with us, going out to play on lovely days. He had many fine qualities, and putting him to sleep after a sudden decline in health was not easy. I find myself thinking that if Peanut were a human being he would have been everything most of us would have wanted in a true friend…

  • Impeccable manners
  • Well groomed
  • Exemplary behavior
  • Friendly
  • Calm, relaxed, and steady companion
  • Affectionate
  • Tolerant and patient
  • Kind and caring to all humans and other cats
  • Devoted and loyal at the best and worst of times

What an honor and privilege to have shared life with this guy…  I like to think that I did a better job of caring for Peanut than I did my very first cat. Guess we learn a few things about life as the years pass.

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